Outlines and plans are made for the weak ones
Don’t spend time understanding your topic and planning your writing. Always start writing as soon as you can. Your very first draft is the most valuable piece of work. Besides, the sooner you start writing, the more time you will have to enjoy other things in life.
Outlines and plans are good for other types of college work – long course papers and dissertations. A simple essay does not need outlines. Only junior students need to write outlines as they learn how to express their thoughts.

More lyrics!
Lyrics capture the reader. It will be very interesting for the reader to know about your childhood, how beautiful the sunset is in your small hometown, how great it is that you moved to New York City, how you enjoyed the buzz of the big city before taking up the pen. More famous expressions, old epithets, more metaphors and comparisons, and contrasts – this will surely be appreciated. Of course, if only your reader will understand your lyrics and the deep sense behind them…

The bigger the intro, the better
Be sure to tell the reader about your life, about who your parents and grandparents were, about what made you take this topic and not the other one. The introduction, which takes half a text, will certainly intrigue the reader.
However, in reality, he will quickly lose focus and become tired of your long preface. Searching for your thesis statement or the key idea will become a serious mind puzzle – a true detective story! Perhaps there is even none of those, since you have spent most of your paragraphs explaining unimportant things.

Don’t be specific. Common words are all you ever need!
And as a general recommendation, you need to pour more water and use clichés. Talk about how important it is that you went to study specifically for a teacher, translator, engineer, manager. Talk about in what wonderful place your school, college, or university is located, and how great it will be if wars will end all over the world.
Have you been asked to write about what you would like to change in your university? Be sure to tell the reader about teacher training and salary increases, small renovations, or amendments in the curriculum. Do not give any specific names or details.

More facts!
Don’t know how to make your story interesting and compelling? Go the other way around – fill your essay with facts. Surnames, dates, names of studies, your peer students and professors, cities, and world news – everything will work. Your reader will surely be amazed at your knowledge and ability to work with information. Keep your conclusions short or drop them entirely – you are writing for academics who themselves are able to find logic in your essay and summarize everything without bothering you.

The longer the sentences, the smarter the writer
Remember the classics and their half-page sentences? You, too, can do that – everyone went through the art of writing classes in high school, and after a little practice it is not difficult to use participial and adverbial phrases in your texts. Use as many smart and simply long words as possible, build large and wordy sentences. This will make you very smart in the eyes of the reader. The reader will simply get scared after the first paragraph and close your essay, disappointed in his own intelligence.

Never, under any circumstances, reread your texts.
You are too brilliant to spend time reading your own texts. Go on writing others texts instead. Besides, you didn’t write for yourself, but for others, so let these others read your essay and admire your talent. It doesn’t matter how many typos the reader will catch in your text, and how illogical the story flow may seem to him. You are a talent with no need for proofreading and editing.

Follow these tips and you will be able to write the most “brilliant” essays. Perhaps they will even be kept as examples.